You should never say “Should”!

A celebrity in the consciousness community wrote something like this – without irony – in reply to a Facebook post asking “What should I do about my condition?”

“Let go of saying ‘Should’. There are no Shoulds. You should never say Should”. 

That M.C Escher-style recursive möbius strip of entangled reaction made me laugh. But I don’t think the person to whom it was directed was laughing much.

I’ve heard others over-react to the word “Should” too. Yes, sometimes, we “Should let go of Shoulds” – because “Shoulds” often entangle with criticism and blame… in which case re-framing them is healing.

But sometimes, a “Should” is an innocuous figure of speech. “Hmm, what Should I Do?” might simply indicate that a choice is being decided – as in “I have several options, which one is best?” It doesn’t always mean abject powerlessness under the jack-boot of obligation!

Discernment is important, on a case-by-case basis. Which of your “Shoulds” actually disconnect you from Wholeness?

Another example of “Should-blindness”:
“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” – Paul Coelho, The Alchemist.

Not quite, I quibble. Yes, there is some truth to this, if you replace the word “none” with “much less”.  It is usually easier to perceive the foibles of others, than our own.

But… most of us do have plenty of Shoulds aimed at ourselves. They are not quite as loud as what we might yell at other drivers (“Hey, you should drive like you actually have a license, dude!” Wait, you don’t do that? Oops, now you know my deep character flaw. I Should stop that!)

Self-directed Shoulds are often quiet, nagging internalized whispers, or even non-conscious undertones…

  • “I Should not make more money than my husband, it will hurt his pride.”
  • “I Shouldn’t question my doctor because she’s the expert, and she’ll ridicule me for doing ‘research’ on the internet.”

We might even consider them “Good Shoulds” – those things we tell ourselves so that we can improve.

  • “I Should drink more water, I know it’s good for me.” (Depending on the subtext and context, this seemingly-good idea can be a healthy self-reminder, or it can subtly connect you to a huge morphic field of judgement and self-criticism. “Dehydration is bad, bad, bad, and therefore, if I am dehydrated, then I am also bad!”)
  • “I Shouldn’t be so negative, because I’ll create more negativity. Wait, that was negative!” (There goes that entangled feedback loop again.)

It’s time to Transcend the Tyranny of Shoulds and Shouldn’ts…
… and also to transcend over-reaction to the word “Should” itself.

It’s time to come to Center, and to calibrate ourselves to zero,
on the continuum of Should vs. Shouldn’t.

And we will do exactly that, this Saturday…

Should vs. Shouldn’t – Transcend that Duality!

A Guided Healing Teleseminar – Click Here for Details

What “Shoulds” and “Shouldn’ts” are controlling and distorting your
Health, Lifestyle, Habits, Social Behaviors, Beliefs, Parenting, Learning, Confidence, Career, Creativity, Spirituality… and simple enjoyment of life?

Bring YOUR biggest “Should” or “Shouldn’t” – the one that is distorting you the most…. and get ready to transcend it.

When: Oops, you missed the Live teleseminar…
But you can still get the Replay, when you join as an Annual member.
New Topics Monthly! Guided Healing Teleseminars happen every 1st Saturday of the month at 9am Pacific Time, noon Eastern.
Where: Your Telephone, computer or Skype
What: You will get powerful, instant shifts – for your specific issue.

Should you enroll? (Haha, so funny.) Click here to decide!

Love and Wholeness,


  1. Elizabeth Stratton says

    Hi Elma,
    Wow, I feel tons lighter after losing all those ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’t.’ I must have been carrying them all from a long time ago. I am no longer even in the should and shouldn’t. I told them all Goodbye.
    Thank so much Elma.
    Elizabeth in NY~



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